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November 5th, 2008

03:34 pm: California broke my heart today
We come from small towns in the fly-over states of the Midwest and the Great Plains. We come to California. We come here to get away from the bigotry that we grow up with in the hopes of finding a safe place to live out our lives with dignity. We come here because we don’t want to live with the constant fear that someone, perhaps even in our own families, will target us for harassment and violence. We come to California.

I’ve been dreaming of California for as long as I can remember. At the age of 16, I was a model student, an OK athlete, president of my high school class and a pretty good farmhand. But on the inside, I was a mess. Damn, I was a good actor though. No one knew what lay beneath my surface. No one knew, for instance, that I once secretly packed a suitcase and slipped it into the trunk of my car and, after telling my parents I was just going out for the night, headed my car West – to California. I drove for a couple of hours across the state of Illinois, but thankfully I had a flash of sanity and turned back. I pulled into the driveway just in time for curfew. My parents never knew a thing.

When I did finally come to California on a scholarship to USC, I felt my life had been saved. I made it. It was going to be OK. It took a couple of more years for me to be confident enough to be honest and open with people about my sexual orientation. But it was fine. None of my friends quit me after I told them. California became my home.

Last night, I began the night celebrating. At 8pm, after the media outlets began to call the election for Barack Obama, I headed down to one of the gay bars in Midtown where an election night party was packed and overflowing with cheering, happy people. Giant television screens showed the election returns. The crowd hushed as Obama took the stage to speak in Chicago. Several cheers erupted in the bar during the speech, but the biggest cheer came when Obama did something that no president-elect has ever done in a victory speech – he mentioned gay people:
"It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America."

You have no idea what it means to a marginalized population to be explicitly included like that. Obama’s been mentioning gays and lesbians all along in his campaign speeches, but this was his victory speech not a campaign speech. He could’ve easily left us out, but he didn’t. Unfortunately, in the end, California left us out.

After the speech, the election results continued to roll in. People around me in the bar began to notice that Proposition 8, a proposition that explicitly stated that it *eliminates* the right of same-sex couples to marry, looked like it was going to pass. I was no longer in the mood to celebrate. I stepped out of the bar and headed home.

Several times throughout the night last night, I woke up and checked the election results. The margin narrowed, but the Yes on 8 votes continued to outnumber the No on 8 votes. At 6am this morning, with 94% of the votes counted, even a political theorist like me could see that 6% of the votes were not going to change the trend. And I sobbed. I sobbed like that messy 16-year-old me used to do when no one was looking. In 1992, I came to California. It was a dream come true. Today, so many years later, California broke my heart.

Current Mood: inconsolable

May 20th, 2008

01:24 pm: What starts with I
Here's a rumor (or, rumour for those of you who only read British English) in the form of a riddle:
What starts with I,
was once 2, but became 4,
has hosted more male guests than a bathhouse in the 70s,
and might be returning from the abyss to destroy the unworthy?

Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: I Can See For Miles - The Who - The Who Sell Out

December 1st, 2007

03:16 pm: World AIDS Day 2007
AIDS Quilt DC
Over some pints of good, dark English beer last night with a friend, I recalled my experience of seeing the AIDS quilt. I was in Washington, DC for the 2000 March on Washington. After the march and rally concluded, my boyfriend (at the time) and I decided to walk over to the Smithsonian. We were unaware at the time that the AIDS quilt was being displayed on the grounds outside the museum. Blindsided and unprepared for what we were about to witness, we were both overcome with emotion as soon as we approached the quilt. As is tradition, names of those who had passed were being read over a loud speaker by volunteers. Each person would read a list of names and, at the end, say something like, "And my brother..." and read one last name before passing the microphone on to the next volunteer.

If you've never seen the quilt, it's an incredible visual representation of the lives lost. Each panel of the quilt is dedicated to an individual who succumbed to the disease. Sewn into the fabric are pictures, favorite sayings, favorite pieces of clothing, and other remembrances of the life that has passed. The quilt is no longer displayed in it's entirety because it has grown to enormous proportions.

This morning, I read of the rise in HIV infections among young people in the United States. The experts interviewed in the story suggest that young people never witnessed the horrific results of the initial wave of AIDS deaths and are not afraid of the disease. The disease seems manageable to them - hey, look how healthy and happy everyone looks in those pharmaceutical ads! This development is a failure that stains all of us. We're clearly not communicating to young people the danger that they face. We're not communicating that the AIDS meds are no picnic and they ain't cheap either. In short, we're not explaining that, yes, great strides have been made, but AIDS is still fatal.

Today, remember those you have lost. Contemplate those that you never got to know.

Tomorrow, commit yourself to taking every opportunity to sound the warning to young people.

Current Mood: alright
Current Music: My Old Friend-Tim McGraw-Live Like You Were Dying

July 11th, 2007

01:29 pm: bumper sticker
A few years ago, in the run-up to the US invasion of Iraq, a flame war occurred on the forum that used to exist on the Spitshine Records website. It was an ugly, knock-down drag-out fight wherein I was called everything from coward to communist to the dreaded "un-American" because of my opposition to Bush's foreign policy.

Recalling that nasty little exchange, London Spitshine operative Adam sent me his suggestion for a new bumper sticker:
You should see an image here.

Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Rural Route-John Mellencamp-Freedom's Road

June 12th, 2007

07:56 am: Hate Crime in Indiana
Hate crime in Indiana?

by Steven Higgs
June 6, 2007

The simple facts in Shorty Hall's murder shout major media. Brian Williams or Katie Couric, maybe. Bill Moyers, someday. Indianapolis Star, unquestionably.

The 1998 hate-crime murder of Matthew Shepard in Wyoming is commonly invoked in comparison.

Thirty-five-year-old, 5-foot-4, 100-pound Aaron Hall was brutally beaten on April 12 for hours by two teens who have described the murder in chilling detail to police. Each says Hall precipitated the violence by making a homosexual suggestion.

The beatings included repeated pummelings with fists and boots and dragging Hall down a wooden staircase by his feet as "his head bounced down all of the steps," in one of the accused's words. He died naked and alone, in a field, where he had crawled after his killers dumped his body in a roadside ditch.

Police found Hall's body 10 days after his death wrapped in a tarp in the garage of Jackson County Deputy Coroner Terry Gray, whose son is one of the accused.

According to the local paper, The Crothersville Times, a witness said 19-year-old Garrett Gray, upon learning that Hall was dead, "began vomiting and making statements of what his dad would say when he found out about this incident."

The fact that this tale has received almost no media attention outside Jackson County, Monroe's far southeast-corner neighbor, is but one of its bizarre twists.

Another is the suggestion that Hall made no sexual advance on 18-year-old Coleman King, the other accused, that he and Gray made up the story as an excuse for murder.

There's a legal theory for their argument. It's called the "gay panic defense," and it suggests that temporary insanity from exposure to homosexuality is a defense against murder. Matthew Shepard's killers tried to use it.

The rest of the story can be read here:
http://bloomingtonalternative.com/articles/2007/06/06/8379

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Lubbock Or Leave It-Dixie Chicks-Taking The Long Way

May 15th, 2007

08:12 am: Brian Grillo checking in....
Spitshine Records received this report from Mr. Grillo regarding what the hell he's been up to and how he's been spending all those cash advances we've been sending....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's almost done!!! We finished another new tune last night so that makes nine songs in the can so far. We have so many ideas that we could keep recording for the next three years although we're really excited about getting this music out into the world sooner than later.

I'm working with my long time friend William Tutton. Bill is an amazing bass player, producer, and song writer. Besides being able to bounce ideas off of each other, it's fun hanging out with him and bringing in my kooky ideas; like last night when we brought in a singer named Kerr, who fronts an Iron Maiden tribute band to sing a real high part that my voice would never have been able to reach. Actually this project is so different than anything I've done before because we have been able to bring in an array of different people to help us along. Each person always brings something unique and unexpected. That is what is so awesome about the collaborative process. Some of the new stuff is straight up rock, other songs are more soulful, and a few even pick up where Extra fancy left off. Actually, Michael Hately who used to play guitar in Extra Fancy is playing on some of the material, and mastering the songs for us.

Hopefully when this comes out, the next step will be to play these songs live, as I am really missing playing in front of a live audience with a loud band. Also included with this collection of fine music will be a cookbook as we both share a fondness for creating fine cuisine.

At the same time I'm working with my old pals from Extra Fancy on an anthology of the Sinnerman, and No Mercy albums, and, some unreleased recordings and demos, as well as a DVD of our videos and live shows to be out some time this year. It's funny now when I look back at the time after Extra Fancy broke up and said that I would never do music again... What is that old Romeo Void song?? Never say never??? Yeah, that’s the one....


Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: We Reflect the Sun-Brian Grillo
07:43 am: All Transmitters to Full, All Receivers to Boost


Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros - White Man in Hammersmit Palais

May 2nd, 2007

10:16 pm: And the envelope says...
I'm not sure how much suspense I actually generated with the last post, but I think dergerm was at least a little intrigued, so...

- Brian Grillo's next record will be released sometime this summer. (Uh-huh.)
- Spitshine Records is on the verge of signing a Seattle punk rock band. (Yep.)
- Spitshine Records is moving to Calgary. (Lie.)
- Spitshine partner Corey is a furry. (Could be true. Don't know for sure.)
- Mitch Fury of the Skinjobs now resides in Los Angeles and will be playing in the Bungholes, the all-gay Bangles cover band. (He actually is in LA now, however he has not, to my knowledge, joined any actual tribute bands.)

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Styrofoam-Fugazi-Repeater + 3 Songs

April 30th, 2007

06:47 am: Secrets and Lies
You decide which is a secret and which is a lie:
- Brian Grillo's next record will be released sometime this summer.
- Spitshine Records is on the verge of signing a Seattle punk rock band.
- Spitshine Records is moving to Calgary.
- Spitshine partner Corey is a furry.
- Mitch Fury of the Skinjobs now resides in Los Angeles and will be playing in the Bungholes, the all-gay Bangles cover band.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: It Won't Hurt-Dwight Yoakam-Guitars, Cadillacs, Etc., Etc.

April 2nd, 2007

07:37 am: Just when I thought queercore was dead...
...I found a band that really turns my crank. And they're from Denver, CO. Who would've thunk it?

I suppose it was just a matter of time before someone mixed GWAR-style theatrics (which was always kind of gay anyway, right?) with queercore. Throw in some hilariously queeny co-vocals and you've got MARIS THE GREAT AND THE FAGGOTS OF DEATH.

I have a request: I would like to see a bill with this band, the Skinjobs, and Limpwrist. Thanks.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: All the Cutest Boys Are At Hardcore Shows-Maris the Great & the Faggots of Death
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